Songs Unfinished Read online

  There was a voice wailing along with the tune, and Jaymi merely stood and admired the sight before her, trying to capture the barely audible lyrics, since Shawn wasn’t using a microphone and her voice was nearly drowned out by the guitar. The song was in rough form and she could tell Shawn was working through it. The chord progressions and lyrics seemed to be intact, and the melody was definitely taking shape each time Shawn repeated a verse.

  But the bridge was giving Shawn trouble. After four run-throughs, she grunted in frustration and stopped altogether. She noticed Jaymi leaning against the door frame watching her and jumped.

  “How about this?” Jaymi said, and then proceeded to sing her own version of the bridge lines, using nonsense sounds since she didn’t yet know the lyrics.

  “Yeah! I love that.” Shawn pulled out her pocket recorder and held it up to Jaymi’s face. “Quick, sing it again.” She pressed record and Jaymi sang it again. Shawn moved the guitar slung over her shoulder and only then seemed to realize it was Jaymi’s Fender Stratocaster. “Thanks for letting me play your Strat. I don’t have an electric anymore, and this song…it really needed an electric.”

  “Not everyone cares for their instruments like you do. So I know you’re not going to abuse mine if you want to play them.” Jaymi’s stomach turned a bit and she sighed. “When inspiration hits, you’ve got to go with it. I know how it is—well, at least I used to. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt inspired to write much of anything new.”

  Shawn powered off the amp and placed the guitar in its stand as if it were a priceless relic. “I’m sorry to hear that. I go through spells like that, too. It sucks.” She began to wipe down the guitar and its strings with the soft cotton cloth Jaymi kept handy.

  Jaymi slumped into her La-Z-Boy. “Thanks. That song…you just write that today?”

  “Yeah. I had a bitch of a day and I had to let out my frustration somehow.” Shawn sat and ran her hands through her hair. “How do you do it?”

  Jaymi cocked her head to one side, trying to ignore how sexy she found the gesture. “Do what?”

  “How do you deal with working at these meaningless jobs when all you want to do is make music, twenty-four hours a day?”

  “It’s not easy. It’s a mind-set. We’re paying our dues, Shawn. You have to. I mean, you have to eat and you have to have a roof over your head, so there has to be a paycheck coming from somewhere until you’re earning one from your music. On a regular basis, that is. You think I enjoy driving all over the county delivering legal documents and medical records all day long? Besides, the way I look at it is, as long as these jobs stay meaningless for us, they’ll keep us motivated to keep working toward our ultimate goal.”

  “You are very wise, Madame Del Harmon, you know that?”

  “Wise-ass maybe, I don’t know about wise!” She laughed and headed to the kitchen. “Anyway, let’s be thankful we both survived the week. And I’ve got a gig tonight, so I’m going to make a light supper.”

  Shawn sprang from the sofa. “You have a gig tonight? Can I come?”

  “Of course you can. It is open to the public, knucklehead! See, that would be the wise-ass I was talking about.”

  “Oh, and I got paid today, so I’ll be able to pay my own cover,” Shawn said, pulling a modest wad of cash from her jeans pocket. “And here’s some money. It’s not much, since I only worked three days this week, but I can give you more next week.” She flipped through the bills and gave Jaymi half.

  Jaymi took it, reluctantly. “You could have waited a couple weeks—”

  “No.” Shawn backed away like Jaymi was going to try and give it back. “I told you I wasn’t going to take advantage of your hospitality, so please, take it. I did that kind of shit in LA—used people, I mean—and I’m not proud of it. But…that was another life and it wasn’t me. I don’t want to get off on the wrong foot with you, especially since you’ve been so good to me.” Shawn looked at the floor, clearly thinking she’d said too much. Jaymi stood quietly, studying her, absentmindedly tapping the edge of the bills on the counter.

  “You don’t have to be this way with me, you know,” Jaymi said, finally.

  Shawn looked up at her. “What way?”

  “Afraid. My God, what are you so afraid of?”

  “I don’t even know where to begin to answer that question. There are so many things…things you don’t know about me.”

  “Things you can’t tell me?”

  Shawn exhaled deeply. “I don’t know. You might think differently of me if you knew about some of the stuff I did.”

  Jaymi pursed her lips in quiet consideration. “Are you trying to say that I should be afraid? Because I’m not buying it. Look, maybe we don’t really know each other all that well, but I don’t feel like you’re taking advantage of me. I trust you enough to open my home to you and let you stay here.” She pretended to be stern. “I don’t let just anyone play my Strat, missy.”

  Shawn smiled, blushing slightly before seriousness took over again. “You don’t know what that means to me. I showed up here uninvited, out of nowhere, and you had every right to turn me away. I had no place to go. I couldn’t go home. I tried, but my father wants nothing to do with me.” Shawn’s eyes began to water but she forced herself to continue. “All I want is a chance to start over, to do things right this time and prove I’m not such a bad person.” The tears began to flow harder. “I don’t want to be that person anymore. I need this job, Jaymi. I’m sick of being broke. I don’t want to end up on the streets again. I’ll clean fucking toilets if I have to.” She buried her face in her hands.

  After a moment’s hesitation, Jaymi took Shawn in her arms. Gradually, she drew Shawn deeper into the embrace. Shawn slowly withdrew her hands from her face and let them find their way around Jaymi’s waist. When the desire to pull back just enough to kiss away the tears pulled at her, Jaymi let go and mumbled something about getting Shawn a tissue. No. Don’t do that. Don’t go there. Not now, when things are easy.

  When she returned, she handed Shawn the entire box of tissues and began rummaging in the refrigerator. Although Shawn would probably open up and tell her just about anything right now, Jaymi needed a little bit of time to process her feelings. If, in fact, it was even her place to try and help Shawn at all.

  “I don’t think you’re a bad person, Shawn, if that makes you feel any better,” she said, taking a frying pan out of a cupboard and setting it on the stove. “Here—you’re in charge of the bacon. We’re having BLTs, how’s that sound?”

  Shawn could smile again. “Sounds delicious. Sorry I kind of lost it there.”

  “Don’t be. For what it’s worth, I believe you—that you’re trying to make a new start. My gut tells me I don’t have to worry about you, really it does.” She began slicing a tomato. “Thanks for the money, by the way. I’ll put it toward the electric bill, which is bound to go up if you keep cranking up my Strat the way you were today.”

  Shawn filled her in on the disaster at work and the supervisor who’d inspired the angry song.

  Jaymi could relate to the frustration of having to hold a job just for the sake of paying the bills, but that was life, and Shawn had to accept that. She tried to explain to Shawn that she wasn’t alone—they were all making that sacrifice for the time being.

  “Use it as a motivator, Shawn. That’s what I do. If I loved my day job, I might not work so hard on my dream. Don’t forget—these jobs are just a means to an end.”

  Shawn looked at her thoughtfully. “You know, I never looked at it that way. I guess I’m just too impatient. I want to make it in music so bad that I get pissed about other stuff taking time away from that.”

  “Welcome to the club, my friend. If you read about anyone who’s made it, they’ll tell you the same thing. They held all sorts of jobs to get by before they got their big breaks.”

  Shawn chewed on a knuckle and seemed to be absorbing the advice. “I’ll do better this time, you watch.”

  She
grinned and Jaymi’s heart leaped joyfully in her chest. She’s so beautiful when she smiles.

  “I’ll be the best damn coffee picker Karla’s ever seen!”

  “That will perk up your boss.”

  Shawn groaned and said, “She’ll think I’m the cream of the crop.”

  They both laughed, and Jaymi added, “Just put your nose to the grind—”

  “And there won’t be any more trouble brewing on my shift.”

  Jaymi cocked an eyebrow. “I do believe I’ve met my match.”

  “You ain’t seen nothing yet.”

  Shawn smiled seductively and Jaymi’s pulse quickened. She forced her gaze away from Shawn’s inviting lips and tore into the head of lettuce. I’m in serious trouble here. Serious trouble.

  *

  Jaymi made sure Shawn was comfortable before joining the band to get ready for the show. As comfortable as she could be at a sports bar and grill occupied by a bunch of straight people. Fortunately, she was seated with some of Jaymi’s gay friends, and Jaymi assured her they were great people. Devin and Sara were a couple, and Sara’s friend LaKeisha was also with them.

  Sara was cute: dirty blond and blue eyed, just below average height, and with the boyish build of a jock—the kind of girl you wanted to give a huge bear hug because she was just too damn irresistible.

  Devin was much more reserved; a novelist, Jaymi’d said. A beautiful brown-eyed brunette, about five-six and with the body of a model, with just enough butch in her air to tip off a fellow lesbian. She had an undeniable strength that added to her attractiveness.

  LaKeisha was a long and lanky black beauty. Glorious high cheekbones, an infectious smile, and colorful loosely fitted clothing matched her charming outgoing manner. She was a former basketball star at their university and a working psychologist, with a flirtatious sense of humor.

  Although Devin and Sara’s presence relaxed Shawn and made her want to hang out with them again and get to know them better, sitting next to a psychologist gave her nowhere to hide. She wished Jaymi hadn’t revealed her profession to her, and though Jaymi insisted LaKeisha wouldn’t be scrutinizing and analyzing her every move and word, Shawn remained guarded, just the same.

  Ironically, Nikki helped break the ice. She approached their table before the band took the stage, beer in hand, clad in her ever-present trademark leather jacket.

  “Mmm-mmm-mmm,” Nikki said, as if she had just sampled a taste of the world’s finest chocolate. “I don’t know if I can handle seeing this much beauty at one table and not act on it.” She made eye contact with each woman before turning her gaze on Shawn. She winked and took a long swig of her beer.

  “I thought you weren’t supposed to drink before gigs,” said Shawn, refusing to return the smile and feeling grateful that she had ordered a soda instead of beer.

  “Hey, what’re you, my mother? You been talking to Devin? She pulled this same act with me the first time we met.”

  “I thought Jaymi said—” Shawn said.

  Devin piped in, “Nikki, come on, why do you insist on pushing Jaymi’s buttons all the time?”

  As if on cue, Jaymi showed up just then. “Consider my buttons pushed. Why are you drinking? We have to go on in ten minutes.”

  “It helps me relax, you know that.”

  “Helps you burp, is more like it,” Sara said, which lightened the mood and got a laugh out of everyone.

  Except Jaymi. “I wish you’d find a better way to relax. Let’s go,” she said, taking hold of Nikki’s arm. “And you can leave the beer here, thank you.”

  Nikki promptly raised it as if in a toast, finished it off, and left the empty bottle on the table. “Showtime!” she crowed, with a wink, and followed Jaymi backstage.

  Shawn could once again feel her blood begin to boil. She hated the way Nikki treated Jaymi. She thought it odd that Jaymi was so aware of keeping herself safe and guarded against people mistreating her, yet she seemed oblivious to Nikki’s constant disrespect. There must be more to their relationship, she thought. Maybe there’s a side of Nikki I just haven’t seen.

  She excused herself to the ladies’ room and was slightly unnerved when Sara said she would do the same.

  When they were out of earshot of the others, Sara pulled Shawn aside. “Are you okay?”

  Shawn shrugged. “Yeah, sure.”

  “Listen, I know you just met us and maybe you’re a little overwhelmed with all these new people, especially since one’s a shrink and one’s a journalist—”

  “Devin’s a journalist? I thought she wrote books.”

  “She does. But she works part-time at the local newspaper—for the entertainment magazine, actually. That’s how she met Jaymi. She interviewed her for her first assignment. But anyway, I’m getting off track. I wanted to say I hope you’re not intimidated by them. Trust me, they’re really sweet people.”

  “No, I’m fine, really.” Damn, is it that obvious that I’m uncomfortable?

  “Anyway, Jaymi said you were going through a rough time—she didn’t go into specifics, don’t worry—but FYI, LaKeisha and I work at a center in town that has great support services on a sliding pay scale. It’s strictly confidential.”

  “You think I need a shrink or something?” Shawn felt herself getting defensive and a cold sweat broke out on the back of her neck. She knew that was her shame talking and softened her tone. “What did Jaymi tell you, anyway?”

  “Nothing, other than what I just said. I didn’t mean to upset you. She’s concerned about you, that’s all.”

  “I’m sorry. I’m not upset. I’ve been on edge lately.” She chewed her bottom lip for a moment, disgusted with herself for being such a jerk to this sweet person, who was only trying to help her. “Thanks. I’ll think about it, okay?”

  “Okay.” Sara smiled, slipped a business card into Shawn’s hand, and added, “Besides, I’m the craziest one of the bunch, and I’ve survived—or they’ve survived me, I should say. So there’s definitely hope for you.”

  Sara headed back to rejoin their party. Shawn liked Sara, it was hard not to. But she felt raw, open. She hated that someone she didn’t even know was suggesting she needed help. Jaymi might not have said anything specific, but it was enough to convince a stranger she needed therapy. Great.

  Passion Play’s performance was spectacular, as Shawn expected. She was blown away by how much they had improved in the few years since she’d heard them in California. Which said a lot, considering how good they already were back then. Despite her buzz, Nikki was electrifying, singing lead on just over half the band’s songs. She played a solid rhythm guitar as well. Jaymi sang lead on the other tunes, except for two songs sung by Kay and one by Brian. On several songs, Jaymi switched to piano and proved she was equally amazing on the keys. During one blues-rock jam, Nikki killed with her skills on harmonica. Kay proved she was no slouch on bass either, as she was featured in one song with a funky slap-bass interlude that simultaneously showcased Brian’s brilliance on percussion.

  “Wait’ll you see them play at the gay club,” Devin told Shawn during the first intermission. “They’re even hotter there, since they have an entire gay audience that really gets them.”

  “Yeah, and Nikki eats up the way the women flirt with her when she’s onstage,” said LaKeisha. “Of course, she eggs them on.”

  “And then she sleeps with half of ’em, too.” Sara shook her head, beaming that mischievous grin. “Nah…she’s not that bad.”

  “Yeah, it’s more like a third, not half,” said Devin soberly. “Speaking of which, here comes the better half of the band’s lead singers.”

  “So, you guys enjoying the show?” Jaymi asked.

  “You kidding? You guys are awesome.” Shawn was dying to hug her but held back. Jaymi’s hair was mussed and sweat glistened on her chest. She looked gorgeous. “Here, have a seat.” She grabbed a chair from a neighboring table. “You want a drink of water or something? Tea to soothe your throat?” She motioned to their waitress
, who responded with a nod and a just-a-moment gesture.

  “Yeah, tea with lemon sounds good. Oh, shoot, my money’s in my other pants backstage.”

  “That’s okay, I got it.” Shawn grinned. “I owe you at least one cup of tea.”

  “And let’s not forget about dinner. Chinese takeout, to be exact,” Jaymi said, smiling.

  Shawn ordered Jaymi’s drink and couldn’t keep from pouring out a review of each song they had done so far.

  “Wow, I guess if I need a thorough critique, I know who to go to.” Jaymi squeezed Shawn’s hand when she finished her analysis.

  Shawn felt herself flush slightly and realized she was dominating the conversation. “I’m sorry.”

  “No, it’s okay. I love how passionate you are,” Jaymi said. “I’m glad you’re enjoying it so much.”

  “Yeah, and so much attention to detail, too,” said Nikki. “I didn’t even know some of that shit was in our songs. Those are some really profound observations there, cute stuff.”

  “You could learn a thing or two from her, Nikki,” said Jaymi. Nikki’s response was once again the opposite of what Shawn expected.

  “You may be right, Jaymi. What do you think, Shawn? You want to teach me something? Show me something new?” She leaned over the table, and Shawn looked away from the cleavage exposed by her low-cut top.

  “All right, that’s enough.” Jaymi got up and grabbed Nikki by the sleeve. “We’ve got our second set to do.”

  At the next intermission, Shawn was washing her hands when Devin exited a stall and joined her at the sink. After being in the dimness of the club, Shawn finally got a better look at the gorgeous woman.

  “Great show, huh?” Devin said with enthusiasm.